Its been nearly two years since I posted anything on this blog. I don't write it under the guise that anyone will see it. Honestly I think I'm just writing to get it out. My heart is so conflicted right now. You ever just feel....lost? Well that's where I am. I keep thinking I'm making the right decisions but honestly I have no idea....
How ironic is it that I wrote that intro 3 years ago yet here I am in the same exact position. I don't think I ever imagined that at 31 I would still have absolutely no idea what I wanted to do with my life. You see I've always done what was expected of me, the safe thing. I graduated from high school, stayed close and went to college, graduated and went to college again and got my Masters. Finally got a decent job...on paper it seemed like I had a pretty good life. Or at least that's what it seemed like.
Let me let you all in on a secret...I am scared. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing and it feels like I'm just floating along....no plan...no anchor...just floating. And I have no idea how to make it better and that sucks.
Everyday I leave my house and put on my mask. A mask of cheer, hope, excitement,,,,,a huge smile. Everyone always says "Michelle I just love being around you because you're always so happy." If only they knew....that happiness they love so much is a facade. None of it is real....most days on the inside I feel like I'm standing in the street suffocating and no one can see me. No one can help me.
